


Lost to time

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Immortality, M/M, Memories, Mortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21584326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: “I should remember,” Magnus said quietly. “She deserves that.”Carrot cake leads to a conversation about an old friend, which leads to thoughts about immortality and the troubles it brings.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Original Character(s), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75





	Lost to time

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's probably going to be a bit quiet on the fic front in December since I need to write a secret santa fic and A Thing for christmas but here's a little piece of immortality/mortality angst that came to my mind earlier today :D

“Magnus this is amazing,” Alec said with his mouth full of cake.

“I couldn’t resist buying it when I saw it in the store. You know, back in the 19th century I used to have this neighbor who made the best carrot cake I’ve ever tasted,” Magnus said and took a forkful before continuing. “This almost reminds me of that cake.”

“Did you know her well?” Alec asked, curious to hear more about Magnus’ past while they were finishing their desserts on the balcony. 

“We were friends,” Magnus said. “I spent countless hours in her apartment drinking tea and eating her delicious cakes. The carrot cake was my favorite and she knew it judging by how often she made it for me.”

“That sounds nice,” Alec said sincerely.

“It was a good time,” Magnus smiled at his memories. “I moved and over time we stopped keeping contact. I wonder where she is now - if she even is alive anymore.”

“Is she a warlock as well?” Alec asked. Whoever she was it sounded like she was immortal. 

“Yes,” Magnus said. “Her name is-”

Magnus trailed off and Alec watched as his smile slowly fell, replaced by confusion and then sadness. Alec was about to ask what had gotten to him when he realised.

Magnus didn’t remember.

The woman had clearly been a big part of Magnus’ life at the time but Magnus had forgotten her name.

“Magnus -” Alec started but he didn’t know how to continue. What could he say?

Magnus laughed but the sound was hollow. “I don’t remember. I remember how she looked like and some of the things we talked about but I don’t remember her name.”

Alec couldn’t even imagine how much that hurt.

He knew Magnus was centuries old and that those centuries were full of memories, and it made sense for some to get buried under the newer ones. Alec also knew that Magnus tried his best to hold on to the memories that were important to him. It was proved by the old pictures he had around his apartment, some stored away in thick photo albums while some were on the shelves or walls, preserved by magic to protect them from time. Then there was the wooden box full of little things from his past lovers.

Some memories - be they good or bad - were best preserved via physical objects.

A photograph with a heartfelt message, a keris with a serpentine blade, carrot cake - objects anchored some memories to Magnus’ head better than others. But there was no way he could remember them all.

Magnus’ eyes had dropped to the plate where he was pushing the rest of his cake around with a fork. He looked troubled, gnawing his bottom lip with his teeth.

Alec didn’t know what to say but he couldn’t just keep watching as Magnus sank deeper and deeper into his thoughts and sadness, so he stood up and rounded the table to stand next to Magnus. He watched as Magnus looked up and then he slowly helped him to stand, pulling him to his chest into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbled into Magnus’ shoulder.

“I should remember,” Magnus said quietly. “She deserves that.”

“She’s immortal,” Alec reminded Magnus kindly. “I’m sure she would understand.”

Magnus didn’t say anything else and Alec hoped he was thinking about his words rather than wallowing in guilt and sadness. It was a topic Alec couldn’t claim to understand, but one that he found himself thinking about every now and then because it was a big part of Magnus' life, and the life they shared together.

He saw two possible futures for him and Magnus.

One where he stayed mortal and would eventually have to die and leave Magnus, leaving behind nothing more than memories and physical things to anchor them to Magnus’ mind. A wedding ring, Omamori, bow and arrows… So many things that would remind Magnus of Alec but that could never preserve every detail. In time those details would disappear.

There was also another option, one Alec wasn’t sure if it was fully possible. 

Sometimes he dreamed of forever, in a much longer sense than his mortal life would allow. He dreamed of never leaving Magnus, of seeing decades turn to centuries with the man he loved by his side. But those thoughts were always accompanied by thoughts of his friends and family dying, and losing the details of them to the years that passed.

A snake bracelet, a blank spot on his hip where a very special rune used to be and where there would never be another rune, family pictures and other mementos that helped him keep alive whatever part of his family he could.

He didn’t know if he could handle it, even if he had Magnus by his side to support him.

It was something that was not to be taken lightly and that had no simple answer. Alec tried not to let those thoughts take over and pulled Magnus closer, knowing that there was no other option but to give it time and hope that it would help him come to a decision he could live with - even though time was also the root of the problem.

It was complicated.


End file.
